Tears + Panic = ?

I come bearing exciting news! 🙂 Everybody say hello to the newest member of my family!

There he is!

There he is!

The first time my eyes locked with his deep blue-grey ones, I fell for him, for he is one of the sweetest kittens I have ever had the pleasure of loving. We spent quite a bit of time looking into each other’s eyes before he raised one of his little paws and attempted to climb out of the basket he was kept in. I watched him, in absolute silence, as he explored his surroundings, nudging the furniture with his small, wet nose as he passed by them.

My family and I were to adopt a kitten, and it was thus that he found his way into our home (and our melted hearts, I might add. :D). Once we brought him home, we had to think of a name for him, of course, and it certainly had to be a very special one.

His mother’s name is Lola. His father’s? Leo. It was then decided that it was only fitting that he be called by a name that began with L as well, and so we began on the search for the perfect name. After a bit of pondering, and quite a bit of bickering, we knew what he would be called.

Lyle.

Lyle, short for Lylan. It had something endearing to it, and it felt right when we called him. Already he has begun to respond to that name.

Lyle is a very feisty cat when he wants to be. Other times, he is a very quiet and reserved kitten who enjoys curling up in a corner and going to sleep. He’s unpredictable sometimes, and I love that about him. He sleeps all day and crawls under my bed late at night to meow and ask me to play, and I love it. (That also explains my half sleep-deprived state 😛 ).

He likes to chew on things too. More than often, it happens to be the edge of my skirts, or a spare pair of ribbons I leave around the house. I’m just glad he hasn’t learnt to get into the laundry basket as of yet! (Then again, ripped jeans are very ‘in style’ today 😉 😀 ) Apart from that, he loves this blue jump rope of mine, and constantly plays with it, running behind it when someone pulls it away, or jumping up to catch it again if anyone lifts it into the air.

The blue jump rope. :)

The blue jump rope. 🙂

Over the three days we’ve had him, we all had our hearts stolen by the cuddly ball of fur that fits in the palms of both my hands put together. We showered affection and love on him every second we spent with him.

Today, I petted him after he woke from a deep slumber while lying down on me, and let him go find his blue jump rope. I changed the water in his bowl and filled the other with his food. He was still with me then, gnawing away at the edge of my skirt. I then had to turn away for five minutes, and when I returned, Lyle was nowhere in sight.

My reaction.

A frantic search ensued. A quick superficial one revealed no kitten, and served only to dampen my hopes, for we discovered that the door had been left slightly ajar, opening up the possibility that he could have gone on an adventure, which caused me to panic. I then proceeded to lift my spirits, convinced myself that he was only sleeping, and went on an hour-long search for Lyle in all the nooks and crannies of my house. When even that didn’t turn up any results, I let the tears I’d been holding back flow.

Lyle was my kitten, and I loved him. I simply couldn’t stand the thought of never seeing him again, even though everyone else was very sure that he was only sleeping, curled up somewhere we hadn’t looked yet. I was convinced that I never should have taken my eyes off him for even those five minutes. I pulled his favourite jump rope close to me and began to silently let streams of warm, salty tears trickle down my cheek for a couple of minutes.

“He’s here!” I heard a shout, and for a second, I snapped out of my trance. I dashed to the source of the sound, the tiny flicker of hope in me burning brighter than ever.

There he was. My sweet, cute, little Lylan. Sleeping peacefully, tucked in the dark corner of an unused cupboard. He hadn’t bothered to even meow and let us know he was there, despite all our audible shouting and terrible meowing, but it was a relief.

Little Lyle. :)

Little Lyle. 🙂

I started crying again, but this time it was tears of happiness. Lyle was safe. He was sleeping. I gurgled a small laugh, and it was the best I had felt the whole day.

And yet, the emotions that raged inside me during that hour and a half will never be forgotten.

I have felt tears. I have felt panic. But I have never felt them both together, and it feels a thousand times stronger. It does not have a name, for no name can fully encompass the extent of that feeling I had to endure for those terrifying moments. It is signified, thus, by the symbol of a question mark.

Anyone who has their own solution to this equation? I, for one, cannot solve it.

Tears + Panic = ? 

Catch you later!

Niru <3′

(Images on this page were taken by me, and are copyrighted.) 

The Answer To Life, The Universe And Everything.

42.

A seemingly ordinary and plausible integer that has two digits, is positive, and is divisible by 2, 3, 6 and 7.

It is also “The Answer To Life, The Universe and Everything.” (If you haven’t read the Hitchhiker’s series, find out more here.)

Even Google says so – what other proof do you need?

Or is it?

Sometimes, we all get a tad bit philosophical. Admit it. There’s no point in denying it. We all find that spare time to contemplate life and wonder what on earth we did was ever so wrong to begin with. Then we contemplate what on earth is ever so wrong with the world around us and wonder why everything is wrong with the world in the first place. Then we contemplate…okay, you get the point – we end up contemplating. And wondering.

Sherlock wonders too.

We spend all our time looking for answers. At any given point in time, I can assure you that somewhere, someone is looking for an answer. I do not know what the question is, nor will anyone, but there is always an ongoing search for an answer.

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are pretty simple. Sometimes the questions are simple and answers are so very complicated (case in point, examinations :D). Sometimes we convince ourselves that we have to find an answer to the question we haven’t even found yet.

You see, there are tons of unanswered questions around you, and you can’t attempt all of them at the same time, because if you do, it’s likely that you don’t know the question properly. If that’s the case, you probably won’t find the right answer either.

In the book (Hitchhiker’s), Deep Thought, a supercomputer, pronounces 42 as The Answer To Life, The Universe And Everything. It was a moment of joy. There it was, the answer they’d struggled so hard to get. It was right there in front of them! The code of the universe had been cracked!

Then Deep Thought, living up to his name, points out that 42 seems rather meaningless because they didn’t know the question, and that he was not capable of giving them the question, but he could design another computer that could. The mice, who didn’t want to spend another 10 million years waiting for the results, settle upon the question, “How many roads must a man walk down?”

I have always found this to be a play on what humans today actually do. They spend every ounce of their energy in pursuit of the answers they so diligently seek, and when they receive them, they don’t have an inkling of what to do with them. It’s because they never understood the questions, and so they simply settle on ones that seem ‘right’ to them. Then they complain that the answer was wrong.

So, I’d like to put forth this statement – chances are, when you find your question, you’ll soon find your answer.

Yes, we have questions. We need answers. Why? Because that’s a big part of life, finding questions, finding answers. Finding Nemo. 😀 (Okay, scratch that last one, but it is a splendid movie, you know.)

Finding them gives, perhaps, a sense of purpose to life. A meaning. This meaning changes for everyone, because everyone is different. They have their own ways of understanding things, of looking at the world.

That is why this quote I once read has stayed with me.

The meaning of life is to give it a meaning.

And so, as Deep Thought would say,

To travel the world, do what our heart tells us to, and always carry our brains with us.

And to give our lives the meaning we know it needs.

Catch you later!

Niru <3′

 

 

 

Celebrations : Sound the Fanfare!

I’ve got good news and bad news.

1. I have been on a writing hiatus for over two months.

Good news makes people happy.

2. I have returned from the writing hiatus!

Trust me, no one is happier than me. 😀

I never wanted to go on a hiatus in the first place. It’s the worst possible thing that could ever happen to me. It doesn’t happen very often, because writing is how I vent. Positive or negative emotions all eventually find their way onto paper. (Or in my case, blog posts. 🙂 ) I need to clear my head? Write. Super-excited about something and need to calm down? Write. I feel like sobbing till I can’t breathe anymore? Write.

That is how my brain works. Guess what? I’m glad that it’s wired that way. There’s no better way to get your inner voice out than writing, because it helps you think. When I write, at least, I read my work again from an objective point of view – and I get a lot of answers that way.

I never forgot this place. It’s special. Here is where I found a community of people who would listen to your ideas whether or not they shared the same opinions as you – some who shared my interests, some who have taught me new things. (Thank you, everyone! 🙂 I’ll be visiting!) I’ve been here in the background, wanting to write and post, trying to come up with something – anything –  worthy of posting.

I’ve been sitting  in front of the computer, fingers lingering over the keyboard, reminiscing of how they would dart about, typing so naturally.  I’d look up at the blank screen, with a blank mind to match – and those where the moments when I’d miss the rush of writing. For a writer, there’s no break. We’re always thinking, always noticing the tiniest things, always coming up with new ideas. There’s not a moment when our minds are empty except in two situations:

a) We turn it off because we need to focus on our day to day lives. (This rarely to never happens, but it’s possible.)

b) Our minds turns itself off for no reason whatsoever. (This happens once in a blue moon, but when it does, it’s a nightmare come alive.) Definitive proof that sometimes, things can happen for no reason. We’ve just got to accept it.

In fact, as I’m typing, there’s a sort of ecstatic rush in my heart. I’m writing again, my mind’s processing at a speed of a thousand ideas per minute, and that makes me feel good. If you’ve ever written after struggling to write for a while, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

Either way, my mind, for some reason, turned itself off. I simply could not write a word. I’d still get ideas every now and then, but putting them down on paper proved to be a gregarious task. I had no clue why I didn’t have the inspiration I need to write, because it usually pays me unexpected visits at extremely perfect times such as:

  • When I’m in the middle of presenting my project.
  • When I’m supposed to be doing my chores.
  • When I’m in the middle of an exam.
  • And other such instances when I cannot get away from the real world.

In fact, it pays a visit almost any other time than when I actually have time to write. That’s the life of a writer for you! 🙂

The point is, I love writing. This feels good. (I’ll be posting more to make up for the lost time 😀 ) It is a way to let out pent-up emotions and ideas that may or may not read by the rest of the world. Yet , if one person reads it, you’ve made a difference.

And hey, what else could you ever want as a writer?

Catch you later!

Niru ❤